Thankful.

Let me be a little cliché and make a post about some of the things I’m thankful for. 

I am thankful for God. He is mine, and I am His. He is the only thing that never fails me, and He is faithful even when I am not. Everything He is covers everything I am not. His grace covers every aspect of darkness within me. His plan for my life is so much better than anything I could ever come up with. My heart is full of His promises. He wins.

I am thankful for my family. So many children in this world are left as orphans, so many families are broken daily by Satan’s lies. Although my family isn’t perfect, I am so thankful I always have a family to come home to. I have a mom and dad who not only love me, but still love each other through everything. I have two beautiful and unique sisters who test, encourage, accept, and love me.

I am thankful for my home. Not just this week, but daily, so many people are left in the streets. I have a warm bed to snuggle in at night. I have heat and air and food and comfort. I have this amazing home that I so often take for granted, that many people would do anything to be a part of.
I am thankful for church. Siloam Springs supposedly has the most churches per capita in America, which I would believe. Some Sundays, I choose to hit snooze one more time. I don’t think about people in some other countries that don’t have the freedom to worship God openly. I have the best home church ever at Harvest Time, but just being able to learn about God anywhere is a blessing.

I am thankful for JBU. Somehow God led me here, regardless of my plans. He knew exactly where I needed to be. I am constantly challenged spiritually, academically... I have the blessing of an education, which many people across the world would love to receive.

I am thankful for health. There are so many hurting, sick, starving, suffering, and dying people in the world, but it’s easy to forget that God has kept His healing hand on me.

I am thankful for my best friend, KaLee. I’ve never had a friendship I knew was so completely from God. There is no other way to describe it besides iron sharpening iron. She blesses me every single day.

I am thankful for my roomie. I was really nervous about applying for a random roommate, but Kaitlin and I just get each other. There are very few friends that I could happily live with, but obviously she’s one of them. 

I am thankful for all of my friends, old and new. My old ones will always have a special place in my heart, even if we don’t necessarily have constantly growing friendships now. I’ve made a great group of friends at JBU. Definitely the kind of friends I can be completely stupid and crazy with, but also have really deep, meaningful conversations with. These are the friends I will have forever.

I want to remember to not take things for granted, not just at this time of year, but always.

I am really blessed.

That awesome feeling.

One of my absolute favorite feelings in the world is when a friend depends on me.
My love for my friends runs deep, so when I feel like they GET how much I care about them (especially since I often do a crappy job of showing it), it makes me feel so great.
It's always hard getting a phone call from a hysterically crying friend in the middle of the night, really unsettling, like I need to DO something in that very moment to fix it.
But at the same time, I always have an underlying sense of peace that they are choosing to lean on me.
I want to be someone worth leaning on, someone my friends know will always be there any time.
If I love that feeling so much, I'm sure I can't even grasp how much God loves it. 
Isn't it crazy how well God knows and understands us? 
He is our Friend that we can always call out to with no regards to time or circumstance. 
That feeling I get when a friend trusts me to be there for them is a fraction of the joy God gets when His children run to Him.
He's the most dependable Friend we will ever have.
Often I forget, often I am reminded.

I'm not a sinner because I sin; I sin because I'm a sinner.

Sometimes I cuss. Sometimes I gossip. Sometimes I cheat or take the easy way out at school. Sometimes I steal music. Sometimes I lie. Sometimes I speed. Sometimes I forget to see the beauty in everyone. Sometimes I make dirty jokes. Sometimes I flirt with guys I shouldn't even give the time of day. Sometimes I flirt to get my way. Sometimes I neglect my family. Sometimes I'm selfish. Sometimes different people bring out different parts of me. Sometimes I let bad thoughts run through my mind. Sometimes I feel negative. Sometimes I'm very sarcastic. Sometimes I break rules. Sometimes I feel torn between good little church girl and the opposite. Sometimes I know what I should do and still don't do it. Sometimes I forget my money is actually God's. Sometimes I stand up in church to look good. Sometimes I know I should be standing but don't. Sometimes I skip quiet times. Sometimes I don't let God have control. Sometimes I compromise my integrity. Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite. Sometimes I forget to thank God for all He gives me, all He does, all He is. Sometimes I give Satan a foothold. Sometimes I don't trust God. Sometimes I forget what an unfaithful, sinful, broken mess I am. Sometimes I forget I need saving. 

Often I drag my God's name through dirt.

STILL He loves me.

ALWAYS His blood covers my sins.

ALWAYS He knows the depths of my heart but loves me the same.

If He can love a sinner like me, I promise He can love a sinner like you.

I want all of Jesus and none of me.

Here lately, I've been reading a lot in the book of Luke. I was drawn to it after remembering this parable:

 Then Jesus told this story to some who had great confidence in their own righteousness and scorned everyone else: Two men went to the Temple to pray. One was a Pharisee, and the other was a despised tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed this prayer: ‘I thank you, God, that I am not a sinner like everyone else. For I don’t cheat, I don’t sin, and I don’t commit adultery. I’m certainly not like that tax collector! I fast twice a week, and I give you a tenth of my income.’

 “But the tax collector stood at a distance and dared not even lift his eyes to heaven as he prayed. Instead, he beat his chest in sorrow, saying, ‘O God, be merciful to me, for I am a sinner.’ I tell you, this sinner, not the Pharisee, returned home justified before God. For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

Luke 18:9-14 [NLT]

   Okay, the first thing that stands out to me in this passage is the NLT translation of the Pharisee's thanks to God that he "is not a sinner like everyone else." That's just a big ridiculous red flag to me. Hello! Although he was saved, he was by no means perfect. It seems obvious to me that even we, as Christians, are still sinners. God only chooses to see us as saints, but really we are unworthy. "I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me." Philippians 3:12 That is the humble example of how to view ourselves.

   The next thing that catches my eye here is the Pharisee's list of holy deeds. He doesn't cheat, "doesn't sin," commit adultery...okay. But he also fasts twice a week and faithfully tithes. Even this prideful man takes two days out of his week to focus on God. Do I do that? He tithes. Do I? As much as I push myself to give a tenth of my everything to God, I often fail at something so simple. Not to compare my walk with God to his, but as far as faithful obedience goes, that Pharisee seems to have me beat.

   My favorite part of this passage is the tax collector's approach to God. So sweetly humble, he couldn't even look up at God knowing he had sinned against Him. What a pure attitude.

   While I am appalled at the Pharisee's pride, how often do I exude the same arrogant attitude? How many times have I watched others create meaningful moments with God, while telling myself my relationship with Him is just fine? How many altar calls have I ignored that God was calling me to answer? 

   My prayer is simply that although we Christians have been saved by grace, our relationships with God are growing, flourishing even, we never forget to pursue God with everything we have. That we are never satisfied, always thirsty for God's word, hungry for His presence. I pray that we humble ourselves, knowing that God will be faithful to exalt us. I pray for God to humble us if we become prideful in anything, especially our righteousness. I pray that we never forget that we are sinners washed clean by His blood, that we need Him always, and that time spent with Him will never be misused. I pray that we always remember that God will pursue us as we pursue Him. That He gives us strength and wisdom to become more like Jesus as we release our whole selves to Him. And that we hold onto the humble attitude of the tax collector as we grow with our loving and just Father every day.

building and standing on the only lasting foundation,

Emily

These Parts

Lord, these hands are unclean;

These thoughts are unholy.

This body is broken;

This heart has run dry.

God, make me new;

These parts only function with You.

The making of HIStory

Well, plans of working fervently on my calculus ended when I heard news of Osama bin Laden's death, and God started tugging on my heart. I needed to talk to Him.
Today is a day of celebration for America, but one of sadness for the Kingdom of God. I am a citizen of heaven before I am of the United States. (Not trying to say there is sadness or hurt in heaven, know that's not true.) But the brokenness of God's heart right now leaves me so unsettled. Jesus is not rejoicing. Death is supposed to not only be sad for us on earth, but also a time to rejoice for people's souls crossing into an eternity in the presence of God. It is so heart-wrenching that bin Laden did not have a relationship with the Man who makes that possible.
I read a series on what breaks God's heart. Some of the things were:
Unrequited love- "As a husband, God greatly loves the church, and as a wife, we break God’s heart when we refuse to return His love by delighting in Him and Him alone." The fact that Osama did not return God's outstanding love breaks God's heart.
Death-"As Jesus looked over the crowd of mourners that day the Bible gives one of its simplest and most profound statements, “Jesus wept.” I’ve often wondered why Jesus wept over Lazarus death, especially when He knew that in just a few moments He would raise Lazarus from the grave.  It almost seems like one of those moments when He would say, “Why are you weeping?  Behold the power of God!”  But instead we find the Savior, God in the flesh, bursting into tears and weeping over the death of a friend..Death always hurts, it is always heart wrenching and it is one of those pains that is so great that it broke the Saviors heart. As Christians, we live in a wonderful place where death no longer has victory over us." I'm so thankful that death doesn't have victory over me as a Christian. Osama, however, was not a Christian.. Another soul lost breaks God's heart.
Sheep without a shepherd-"Sheep without a Shepherd break God’s heart, but what rejoices God’s heart is when his people exercise compassion and care for these sheep, especially 'the least of these.'" Osama bin Laden, on every American's list, was definitely one of the least important people in the world. Important to capture & kill, yes. But very unimportant to show God's love to. If you had crossed him (I know that's a stretch), but IF you had, what would you have done? Assuming he wasn't trying to kill you or something, just there. Supposing you had the means, would you have tried to capture him? Get all the glory for finding America's Most Wanted? Would you have tried to kill him? I believe many people, myself included, would've. Justify yourself by saying that you're saving future casualties from him, instead of saving HIM! Honestly, I can't say I wouldn't have done the same, had I the chance. But honestly, is that what Jesus would have done? If Osama were Jesus, what would you have done? Whatever you do for the "least of these" is what you do for Jesus. Just the same, whatever you don't do for the "least of these" is what you don't do for Jesus. Osama's sins were no more disgusting than yours or mine. The lack of restoration and intervention in his individual life breaks God's heart.
Lord, break our hearts for what breaks Yours!
I understand & agree with celebrating justice, security, and God's protection! I am so so thankful for our troops, and SO thankful for the peace that God has given the families' of 9-11 victims. I serve a just God. I am very thankful that Al Qaeda took a blow in all this, and had the rug pulled out from under them. God, I'm sure saved many lives by taking bin Laden. I just don't understand celebrating an unsaved man's death. I feel regret that he probably never felt. I feel remorse for his sins that he probably never felt.
Proverbs 24:17 says "Do not rejoice when your enemy falls"  and Ezekiel 33:11 says "I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked..."
I find comfort, as an American right now. But I'm a Christian always. An American on earth. There's such discomfort at Christians' failure to reach out to a broken man filled supposedly with such evil. Yes, he was the bad guy. But that never stopped Jesus from reaching out. Many evil men have turned from their ways and accepted God. I just wish he had done the same.
I'm just rambling now...my point is, although I have such great respect for our troops, for our poor 9-11 victims, for all the people bin Laden wronged in his lifetime...I'm so happy for the peace & closure they must be feeling right now...I just can't bring myself to be happy about about his death, because it was not only physical, but also spiritual.
I pray that God breaks our hearts for what breaks His, and pushes us out of our comfort zones to reach out to the "least of these." That God gives us courage to approach the unapproachable. That He allows us to see the world as Him in the flesh, and the fervency to act now. I pray we never Jesus for granted, and always take advantage of the opportunities He gives us to further His kingdom.
Although Osama, another lost soul is dead, I rejoice in the fact that  
JESUS IS ALIVE!!!