Our God Is Greater Still

Lately, I've been doing a lot of research on my Myers-Briggs personality type. And by a lot, I mean avoiding homework for hours every day and learning so many new things about myself. I find myself constantly going, "Ohmygosh, that is so me." Although it would be impossible to entirely sum a person up in one of sixteen different personality types, these things are scary accurate. (If you haven't taken one or don't even know what I'm talking about, I would encourage you to take the test and have your mind blown by how accurate the results are– http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp) 

So I am an INTP: Introvert iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving. I'm not going to talk about everything I've read about myself because that would take forever and is beside the point. Bear with me. INTPs spend a great deal of time inside themselves, and they deal with things rationally and logically. That is beyond true of myself. I approach every part of my life with a rational outlook. I try to solve emotional problems with logic instead of feelings. Logical thinking is a huge part of my daily life. The more I think about this, the more I realize how illogical God is, and how freeing it is for something to not make rational sense. 

God is everywhere. He is in everything. I know the needs within myself, I see the circumstances people I love are facing, and these things often seem like a large, heavy, overwhelming fact. Today, it sort of hit me... There are around 7 billion people on the earth. The people I come across and know their stories don't even make up .01% of those 7 billion. Every single person on earth is dealing with something, or more likely many somethings. All of those 7 billion individually have an unending list of deep, complex needs. All of them have a past, a present, and a future. 108 people in the world die every minute, while 267 are being born. Thinking about the gargantuan size of this world and the complexities within every creature– from the smallest bacteria to humans to a blue whale– is absolutely mind boggling. I can't wrap my head around how much is happening every second. Even more so, I cannot begin to fathom how big that makes God. I've always known that fact, but my understanding is so minuscule and limited, there is no way for me to begin to grasp God's sovereignty.

God reigns over one person's relationship while reigning over another person's mourning the death of loved one while reigning over another's depression while reigning over another's celebration of new life while reigning over another's heartbreak and disappointment while reigning over another's parents getting divorced.....the list goes on and on. The list is endless. Our God is greater still.

Never have I understood that statement more. God is really sovereign. He has the power to hold every person's every need with tireless, limitless strength. Wow. 

God is so so limitless and sovereign. How awesome is that? I pray that you (as well as myself) never stop being in awe at the name of Jesus and never underestimate the enormity of God. 

My logical self can't help being awestruck. God's love is not a logical thing. Jesus pouring His love out for all the world literally makes no rational sense to my little head. There is nothing in me that is worthy of His unfailing, unending love. But that is the powerful being of God. For Him to not freely pour out His love on the entire world would completely contradict His nature. He is love. He is goodness. Therefore, I have to constantly remind myself to stop being so logical because God's love will never make sense to a mind this small. I am incapable of wrapping my head around the perfect character of God. My mind is so blown, I'm struggling to put it into words. 

Just allow yourself to stand mouth gaping open, sin before you, blessings surrounding you, unfair circumstances crushing you, knowing that our God is greater still. 

I really should devote an entire blog to the insight I get from Dr. Castleman's New Testament class. She is seriously so so incredible.
Last week, we were talking about how sometimes we don't feel like we deserve what we're facing, and not always understanding why God lets us go through things. She pointed out that, really, we all deserve hell. Anything else is a blessing in itself. God's grace allows us to suffer temporarily instead of eternally. 
WOW. I think maybe I've thought about that before, but I've never really gotten it. 
I get it now.
Sometimes I constantly find myself asking God "Why?" I know and (try to) accept that He doesn't have to explain Himself to me. But I'm a little girl at the dinner table asking why I have to eat cabbage instead of cupcakes for dinner, or a young boy at his mother's feet crying that she took away my favorite toy. Sometimes God answers, "Because it's good for you. You don't understand why right now, but someday you will." And sometimes I need Him to simply remind me, "You're lucky that's all you're getting. You deserve a lot worse." Because truly, I do. We all do.
Sometimes I get so mad at God, and I feel like He's having no mercy on me. I don't understand why I'm being put through something, I don't see how He could possibly make beauty from my brokenness. I don't think it's fair. I throw fits, I fail to see God's sovereignty. Honestly though, how wrong can I be? How far from a humble, broken spirit can I be that I forget that I'm not being sent to the eternal fire we all deserve? How can I forget the Cross? How can I forget that Jesus paid everything, so I don't have to? And then I whine about my "unfair" circumstances? Romans 5:8 says, "While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." How fair was that? How undeserving Jesus was to take on all of our flaws and sins, Himself flawless and blameless.
We're all sinners and have fallen short of the glory of God. Anyone who disagrees with that is sadly deluded. 
God is big enough to handle us being mad at Him. We can scream, cry, and throw fits. But I am so thankful that His goodness doesn't rest on my understanding. It's okay to not understand. But not for one minute are we undeserving of anything we are dealt. Only when I let that truth sink in can I actually start to understand what being "joyful in suffering" really means. God takes our filth, sin, and rebellion, and sees us pure and spotless. That is what really matters. Romans 4:8 says "Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord will never count against him." If you've accepted Jesus, you are one of those blessed men. From this point on, I resolve to be deliberate in counting blessings rather than sufferings. 
God's promises don't rest on us; He is who He says He is through any season of faith. He is so good and faithful, even when we're not. He is making ALL things work together for the good of those who love Him even when we can't feel Him working. He is sovereign and full of love and mercy whether we recognize that or not.
We are being refined.


You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.
1 John 4:4


I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.
Romans 8:18


Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
Romans 5:3-4

And after all that has come upon us for our evil deeds and for our great guilt, seeing that you, our God, have punished us less than our iniquities deserved and have given us such a remnant as this.

Ezra 9:13

For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 6:23

But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows. From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.

Luke 12:48

WHY, God, am I facing this?
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
1 Peter 1:3-9

Thankful.

Let me be a little cliché and make a post about some of the things I’m thankful for. 

I am thankful for God. He is mine, and I am His. He is the only thing that never fails me, and He is faithful even when I am not. Everything He is covers everything I am not. His grace covers every aspect of darkness within me. His plan for my life is so much better than anything I could ever come up with. My heart is full of His promises. He wins.

I am thankful for my family. So many children in this world are left as orphans, so many families are broken daily by Satan’s lies. Although my family isn’t perfect, I am so thankful I always have a family to come home to. I have a mom and dad who not only love me, but still love each other through everything. I have two beautiful and unique sisters who test, encourage, accept, and love me.

I am thankful for my home. Not just this week, but daily, so many people are left in the streets. I have a warm bed to snuggle in at night. I have heat and air and food and comfort. I have this amazing home that I so often take for granted, that many people would do anything to be a part of.
I am thankful for church. Siloam Springs supposedly has the most churches per capita in America, which I would believe. Some Sundays, I choose to hit snooze one more time. I don’t think about people in some other countries that don’t have the freedom to worship God openly. I have the best home church ever at Harvest Time, but just being able to learn about God anywhere is a blessing.

I am thankful for JBU. Somehow God led me here, regardless of my plans. He knew exactly where I needed to be. I am constantly challenged spiritually, academically... I have the blessing of an education, which many people across the world would love to receive.

I am thankful for health. There are so many hurting, sick, starving, suffering, and dying people in the world, but it’s easy to forget that God has kept His healing hand on me.

I am thankful for my best friend, KaLee. I’ve never had a friendship I knew was so completely from God. There is no other way to describe it besides iron sharpening iron. She blesses me every single day.

I am thankful for my roomie. I was really nervous about applying for a random roommate, but Kaitlin and I just get each other. There are very few friends that I could happily live with, but obviously she’s one of them. 

I am thankful for all of my friends, old and new. My old ones will always have a special place in my heart, even if we don’t necessarily have constantly growing friendships now. I’ve made a great group of friends at JBU. Definitely the kind of friends I can be completely stupid and crazy with, but also have really deep, meaningful conversations with. These are the friends I will have forever.

I want to remember to not take things for granted, not just at this time of year, but always.

I am really blessed.

That awesome feeling.

One of my absolute favorite feelings in the world is when a friend depends on me.
My love for my friends runs deep, so when I feel like they GET how much I care about them (especially since I often do a crappy job of showing it), it makes me feel so great.
It's always hard getting a phone call from a hysterically crying friend in the middle of the night, really unsettling, like I need to DO something in that very moment to fix it.
But at the same time, I always have an underlying sense of peace that they are choosing to lean on me.
I want to be someone worth leaning on, someone my friends know will always be there any time.
If I love that feeling so much, I'm sure I can't even grasp how much God loves it. 
Isn't it crazy how well God knows and understands us? 
He is our Friend that we can always call out to with no regards to time or circumstance. 
That feeling I get when a friend trusts me to be there for them is a fraction of the joy God gets when His children run to Him.
He's the most dependable Friend we will ever have.
Often I forget, often I am reminded.

I'm not a sinner because I sin; I sin because I'm a sinner.

Sometimes I cuss. Sometimes I gossip. Sometimes I cheat or take the easy way out at school. Sometimes I steal music. Sometimes I lie. Sometimes I speed. Sometimes I forget to see the beauty in everyone. Sometimes I make dirty jokes. Sometimes I flirt with guys I shouldn't even give the time of day. Sometimes I flirt to get my way. Sometimes I neglect my family. Sometimes I'm selfish. Sometimes different people bring out different parts of me. Sometimes I let bad thoughts run through my mind. Sometimes I feel negative. Sometimes I'm very sarcastic. Sometimes I break rules. Sometimes I feel torn between good little church girl and the opposite. Sometimes I know what I should do and still don't do it. Sometimes I forget my money is actually God's. Sometimes I stand up in church to look good. Sometimes I know I should be standing but don't. Sometimes I skip quiet times. Sometimes I don't let God have control. Sometimes I compromise my integrity. Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite. Sometimes I forget to thank God for all He gives me, all He does, all He is. Sometimes I give Satan a foothold. Sometimes I don't trust God. Sometimes I forget what an unfaithful, sinful, broken mess I am. Sometimes I forget I need saving. 

Often I drag my God's name through dirt.

STILL He loves me.

ALWAYS His blood covers my sins.

ALWAYS He knows the depths of my heart but loves me the same.

If He can love a sinner like me, I promise He can love a sinner like you.

I want all of Jesus and none of me.

Here lately, I've been reading a lot in the book of Luke. I was drawn to it after remembering this parable:

 Then Jesus told this story to some who had great confidence in their own righteousness and scorned everyone else: Two men went to the Temple to pray. One was a Pharisee, and the other was a despised tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed this prayer: ‘I thank you, God, that I am not a sinner like everyone else. For I don’t cheat, I don’t sin, and I don’t commit adultery. I’m certainly not like that tax collector! I fast twice a week, and I give you a tenth of my income.’

 “But the tax collector stood at a distance and dared not even lift his eyes to heaven as he prayed. Instead, he beat his chest in sorrow, saying, ‘O God, be merciful to me, for I am a sinner.’ I tell you, this sinner, not the Pharisee, returned home justified before God. For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

Luke 18:9-14 [NLT]

   Okay, the first thing that stands out to me in this passage is the NLT translation of the Pharisee's thanks to God that he "is not a sinner like everyone else." That's just a big ridiculous red flag to me. Hello! Although he was saved, he was by no means perfect. It seems obvious to me that even we, as Christians, are still sinners. God only chooses to see us as saints, but really we are unworthy. "I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me." Philippians 3:12 That is the humble example of how to view ourselves.

   The next thing that catches my eye here is the Pharisee's list of holy deeds. He doesn't cheat, "doesn't sin," commit adultery...okay. But he also fasts twice a week and faithfully tithes. Even this prideful man takes two days out of his week to focus on God. Do I do that? He tithes. Do I? As much as I push myself to give a tenth of my everything to God, I often fail at something so simple. Not to compare my walk with God to his, but as far as faithful obedience goes, that Pharisee seems to have me beat.

   My favorite part of this passage is the tax collector's approach to God. So sweetly humble, he couldn't even look up at God knowing he had sinned against Him. What a pure attitude.

   While I am appalled at the Pharisee's pride, how often do I exude the same arrogant attitude? How many times have I watched others create meaningful moments with God, while telling myself my relationship with Him is just fine? How many altar calls have I ignored that God was calling me to answer? 

   My prayer is simply that although we Christians have been saved by grace, our relationships with God are growing, flourishing even, we never forget to pursue God with everything we have. That we are never satisfied, always thirsty for God's word, hungry for His presence. I pray that we humble ourselves, knowing that God will be faithful to exalt us. I pray for God to humble us if we become prideful in anything, especially our righteousness. I pray that we never forget that we are sinners washed clean by His blood, that we need Him always, and that time spent with Him will never be misused. I pray that we always remember that God will pursue us as we pursue Him. That He gives us strength and wisdom to become more like Jesus as we release our whole selves to Him. And that we hold onto the humble attitude of the tax collector as we grow with our loving and just Father every day.

building and standing on the only lasting foundation,

Emily